Rare though it is to find a picture of myself dressed up that I actually like, here it is.
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Going on an old-school Denny’s trip, and hanging out with Devin for the first time since he had a falling out with the D&D group six weeks ago. Gonna make sure I have fun no matter what =]
I got a job yesterday and started today. So I should be happy, right?
Wrong: you don’t know me very well.
I had probably one of the most somber conversations of my life with the girl I love the other day, and I thought everything would be okay, but all it took was me seeing one picture of her with her boyfriend and now I’m back to the place where I’ve sunk so many times in recent months, and I should have seen it coming a mile away.
Alone. Unwanted. It feels like I don’t have friends any more. I think if I hadn’t just started a new job, I could die tonight and nobody would notice for weeks. I just want all this pain to stop.
Everyone always says that suicide is selfish, because you’re hurting those who care about you. But isn’t it just as selfish for them to care more about how THEY feel than how you do? What’s even worse is that she’s going to read this, and wish she’d just never met me at all =\
Wow, I’m such a fuck-up.
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If you’re going to complain about a situation, then continue to go back to it over and over again, you get no sympathy from me.
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The feeling has been creeping up on me more and more lately. I can beat it back for a little while with distractions like gaming, but it always comes back stronger. I miss having someone to give my attention and affection to. I miss always having someone to talk to no matter what. Manda does a pretty good job of that, but I hate relying on her all the time because I know she has her own stuff going on. I just wish I didn’t feel like this anymore =\
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I get worked up over the stupidest little things these days, and I wind up posting about them on here, so they can be ignored by a bunch of people who don’t care enough to dig deeper. I really only have a handful of close friends left, and I can never shake the feeling that I’m an emotional burden on them, and that they’d be better off without my friendship. I’ve been backstabbed and lied to by “friends” enough in my life that I scrutinize all but my closest friends, and as bad as I feel about it I STILL feel like I only get half the truth from some of them. I wish people could just be honest with me =\